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Unfactual Facts
A collection of made-up statistics about schooling culture that, on first glance, could sound plausible, until one starts to really consider what is being stated as fact.

For June’s Open Call, the premise was to come up with fake facts around schooling culture. All of the “facts” were suggested to start with, “100% of people...(fill in the blank).” The idea behind it was to highlight the negative parts of schooling culture in a somewhat absurd way – because how many times do 100% of people agree on something?

Note: At the bottom, there’s a form to share your reactions or to suggest your own to be added.

  • 100% of all people only socialize with other humans born the same year as them...
  • 100% of people love being told what to do.
  • 100% of people remember everything they learned in school.
  • 100% of people were happy they got detention.
  • Everyone agrees that if a child does not cooperate to succeed in school the correct course of action is to get them a psychiatric evaluation, a disability diagnosis, and accommodations to ensure they remain in school. Without that their life will be a failure.
  • 100% of people believe that coercive industrial-model schooling helps build a strong foundation for happiness and success in a liberal post-industrial society.
  • 100% of former public school students look back fondly on their days of being powerless, voiceless, and anonymous.
  • 100% of taxpayers are in favor of combining public schools and prisons to reduce operating costs.
  • 100% of people wish they had to give a “how to” speech everyday.
  • 100% of people learn math the same way.
  • 100% of people love having their grade point average associated with their value as a human being.
  • 100% of people enjoy being told when they’re allowed to use the toilet.
  • 100% of people like to have their entire childhoods decided for them.
  • 100% of people need to learn the quadratic equation.
  • 100% of people are glad they have difficulty knowing what their needs are.
  • 100% of people benefit from standardization.
  • 100% of people need conventional education to make a living and be happy.
  • 100% of people learn best only among others that share their age and background.
  • 100% of people learn best by hearing someone else tell them about a topic.
  • 100% of people cannot relate to the angst and apathy portrayed in every movie, tv show, and book about school-age kids and school life.
  • 100% of people can’t be successful unless others force them to learn.
  • 100% of people come out of conventional school as motivated, innovative entrepreneurs prepared for the Real World.
  • 100% of people like/d school.
  • 100% of people think math tests are a good way to measure intelligence
  • 100% of people have fun in school.
  • 100% of people in school hate summer vacation.
  • 100% of people learn best in 45-minute increments.
  • 100% of people only learn on weekdays.
  • 100% of people learn best from people much older than them.
  • 100% of people know there’s one right way of doing something.
  • 100% of people know there’s one right answer: true or false?
  • 100% of conventionally schooled children are learning above average.
  • 100% of people learn to how to keep their body still when you take away their small allotment of yard time.
  • 100% of people are only hungry when the teacher says it’s time to eat.
  • 100% of people learn how to trust themselves by being treated as untrustworthy.
  • 100% of people agreed that if something wasn’t taught in school, it wasn’t worth learning.
  • 100% of people love eating cafeteria food.
  • 100% of care providers remember their own childhood oppression and vow to not have the same happen to the children in their care.
  • 100% of people say that their best character trait is obedience.
  • 100% of people think it’s fine that they were taught how to be average.

Feedback We Received

What do you feel when reading these?

  • Sad and then made em really realize how absurd school really is!
  • Loved it, laughed out loud. Particularly loved the idea of combining schools and prisons to save on cost.
  • I crack up! And then get pissed off. Why people don’t question school is beyond me.
  • Could be framed as ‘do most people like being told what to do’?
  • I thought I would like to share it with others who might feel more positive about school. But the 100% thing put me off. They would pick on that to discount it. Can you think of another framework? Maybe put them as questions for people to answer..

Which one did you have the biggest reaction to and why?

  • The using the toilet one. It was just absurd.